Why I Don’t Recommend a Tattoo on the Way Home from the Dentist

Are you good at following your intuition?

I hope so.

Too often we override it in an effort to be nice, or to make sure we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings, or so that we never have to be the bad guy.

This is not always a good thing.

One sunny Tuesday morning I had a dentist appointment. Teeth health is important.

When I arrived about five women were standing, talking, gesturing. I looked around uncomfortably for about a minute. I read a magazine for about ten. I went so far as to walk boldly up to the counter, raise my eyebrows and shrug my shoulders and turn up my hands in a way that suggested, “I am a customer, could I get some attention here please?” Nothing. One woman looked out from the group with a somewhat embarrassed look on her face but carried on with the discussion at hand.

Finally, I got fed up and walked out. I didn’t have anything else on my agenda, but I do know that my time is valuable. This is the great thing about any time spent as a lawyer. Although it’s somewhat annoying to think in six minute billing increments, it gives you a whole new perspective on time.

I don’t know what they were talking about. I’m certain it had nothing to do with me or my very valuable time. Maybe someone was having a really difficult time and they were supporting one another. Maybe there was something really juicy going on. Or maybe customers were simply not a priority. The point is I left, and I wasn’t going back.

And so with an extra hour and a half on my hands, no kids and a beautiful day. I could think of no better reason than to duck into a dark and somewhat shady location to get me some ink.

I knew exactly what I wanted. Sort of. I had a pretty good idea anyway.

I had thought about it for at least two weeks.

I had a picture in my head.

I described it. Tiny letters in purple, with a border, that said Divine. I wanted to remember the greatest part of me, and the greatest part of other people, on a daily basis. I didn’t tell the tattooist that last part, although perhaps I should have. He thought I was misspelling it, and idolizing the singer, Devine. I’d never actually heard of Devine.

Anyway, he wasn’t that interested in doing what I wanted. He wanted to do the tattoo (his way), take my money and get on about his day. And while he was at it, he thought he’d say some relatively insulting things about my economic status.

This was not the problem.

I thought he was an ass. I knew I thought he was an ass. That was my intuition talking.

But I chose not to listen.

Thus making myself the problem.

I didn’t stand up for myself. Not really. I didn’t say, “Hey, actually, this isn’t really the design I want. I’m not sure that we are clicking here. I might go away and think about this.”

Nope. I went straight into Nice Girl mode.

You see, he had lived in my hood. He’d been treated unfairly. He took that personally.

He took that out on me. He insinuated that everyone in my hood were snobs.

I took that personally.

I’d been called a rich bitch in high school because my parents owned land. When you are a teenager anything that makes you feel remotely different to anyone else can feel really hurtful. You just want to fit in, with whoever you are trying to fit in with on that day.

I didn’t have the skills then to know that was not my stuff. That was their stuff.

I hadn’t even remembered it but it must have stuck with me on some level. When he made that comment, my Nice Girl/I Just Want to Fit In stimuli went into overdrive.

Instead of telling him to pull his head in, instead of noticing that he wasn’t listening to me anyway, instead of just LEAVING, I thought, “Oh but Sonia. You need to PROVE that you’re not a snob. You need to PROVE that you are a nice person. You need to PROVE that this is all okay. And also let’s remember that you should have compassion for EVERYONE! That’s the purpose of this whole exercise! Just be nice.”

Ugh.

I wanted to be compassionate and caring towards my fellow human being even though he was acting like an ass – because I didn’t want him to think that I was a rich bitch – and because I had taken my spirituality to what I thought was its highest level. I wanted an A+ for my studies.

And in that process, I completely forgot about having compassion for myself.

The Universe notices when we are doing that. It notices when we are in overdrive trying to please everyone around us and forgetting all about ourselves. It notices when we are trying to be “too nice” to other people and overriding what we should be doing for ourselves. It also notices when we have another layer that’s ready to come up and it brings it up at EXACTLY the right time to give us an opportunity to figure it out.

What an amazing thing.

I actually really need to thank that guy.  Maybe just in a silent way for now.  Or maybe just the right opportunity will come up sometime. Who knows.

Listen. Listen to your intuition. It’s always giving you the right answer.

Nice girls have to try especially hard to remember that.

When we don’t, it’s not always pretty.

Sometimes it ends up in indelible ink.

Love and Blessings, Sonia

P.S. I don’t really mind the tattoo now.  It is in fact, a pretty great reminder.