When Shit Hits the Fan, Put on Your Raincoat

Difficult times in our lives feel, well, difficult.

It can be hard to make sense of why some things happen.

“Why did I lose my relationship, my job, my home, or my health?”

“Why am I being punished? I’m just minding my own business, trying not to hurt  other people, and keeping my head down.”

“Why me?”

It’s hard to come to terms with the fallout.

It’s hard to find meaning in the chaos.

But what if that very thing that feels awful is actually life whispering to you?

Or it might be much louder than a whisper. Sometimes when we don’t hear the knock the first few times, things have to get pretty loud.

Life might be telling you to put on your raincoat.  To just wait this out.  To know that peace will be back and with it some new growth.

Sometimes the knock has nothing to do with us (earthquakes, floods, fires).

Sometimes it has everything to do with us (what we are putting out (even unconsciously) is exactly what we are going to get back).

That doesn’t seem fair, and it’s hard to get your head around what you’re putting out when you don’t even know you’re putting it out there.

I know.

But that’s part of the lesson too.

And regardless of what’s happened and how it happened or why it happened there is always something in it for us.

And how we get through it will determine our growth from it.

There’s always an opportunity to be found in our heartache, in our difficult times. There’s always a nugget.

It might be an opportunity to become more of who you were always meant to be.

It might be an opportunity to gain some new insights.

It might be an opportunity to become more peaceful, more centred or more grounded.

It might be an opportunity to forgive.

It might be an opportunity for something or someone new.

But we don’t automatically view them as opportunities because we might be in too much pain to see them that way.

Most of us just try to get through the hard times the best we can.

We try to keep it together.

We try to keep our heads above water.

That’s okay too.

As long as we don’t forget at some point to look within to find the nugget.

That golden bit for me has always come from pretty near the bottom of the barrel.

The kick in the guts, the blow to my ego, or the feeling that I lost something big, actually gained me the most as far as what I’ve needed to learn.

The right lesson has always come at the right time.

When you’re down there though, it’s pretty hard to see.

In the experience of heartache, whatever that is, there might be grief, and pain, and anger. There might be regret, or guilt, or denial. There’s a whole lot of feeling going on, and that too can be hard.

It might feel easier to be angry at life or outside circumstances than to look within.

It might be easier to deny what has happened. It might be easier to deny our feelings about that event, and to make it look prettier than it is. It might be easier to just forget the whole damn thing ever happened and to get on with it.

Yes, I know that all too well.

But HOW we manage our feelings about whatever it is that’s happened is the pure determiner of how well we come out the other side.

HOW we deal with our anger, our grief, our sadness determines what we gain.

If we choose not to deal with them, life will likely come along with some other lesson so that we can.

Get out your raincoat.

Most of us weren’t taught to look within.

Most of us weren’t taught how to manage feelings either.

Instead we shove them down in any manner of ways. We numb them with alcohol or drugs. We simply deny their existence and try to ignore them away. We try to positive our way out of it. We try to control everything around us. We use food. We use shopping. We use tough exteriors so no one believes we have them.

They don’t go away though. You know how if you ignore your kids, they’ll just keep pestering you? Feelings are no different.

But our culture and our society has made it so hard to let them go. (Feelings, that is.  Not kids).

We want people to grieve but only for so long, and not in public. We expect women to cry but not men. We expect men to get angry but not women. We tell people not to deny their feelings but then we ask them to put on a happy face.

So very confusing.

No wonder we don’t know what to do with them.

But finding a way to look within, and finding a way to let go is the best and lasting way through any kind of heartache.

Then the new perspectives can come. Then there is space for insights.

Actually, the process of letting go made the new insights possible.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk, once said “No mud, no lotus.”

Literally, this means the lotus flower grows in mud. It rises and blooms above the murk.

Figuratively, it means that all humans are born into a world of suffering (in varying degrees). It is considered to be a vital part of our experience. It makes us stronger and helps us change our ideas about ourselves and our world.

Ultimately, without the hard times (the mud or the shit) we wouldn’t have the opportunity to express our true beauty.

The lotus is in sight my friends.

It’s always within your reach.

It’s safe to take off your raincoat and have hope.